Arizona votes down Marriage Amendment!

I'm so proud of my state! Arizona voters realized the ills of Proposition 107 which would have banned all unions similar to Marriage.

We actually do have equality?

One straight man's thought on gay rights: "One man, gay or straight can marry can marry one woman, gay or straight...there is no right that's taken away from you."

This was an opinion stated on the show Real Momentum during it's documentary of Gay republicans, "Elephant in the Room."

One Gay republican had rallied a small group of gay activists to appose a state amendment to ban gay marriage. While on a radio show, the host opposed this gay man's position by stating, "One man, gay or straight can marry can marry one woman, gay or straight...there is no right that's taken away from you."

My jaw dropped…I was confused at first, he was partially right; I could marry someone of the opposite sex just like a heterosexual person, but does that mean we’re equal?

Immediately I say, "No, not at all!"

Did this heterosexual imagine what this would sound like if the situation were reversed? What if gay was normal and hetero was the minority; gay was accepted, straight was not. "We have the same rights; you can marry anyone of the same sex you want."

I ask, "Does that sound equal to you?"

When will we be able to marry the person we wish? Only when silly ideas about equality and stereotypes have diminished

A Choice?

There are quite a few gay people in the world that don't like the fact that they're gay. Yes, even more gay people that think that being gay is the source of most of their problems. But I, I am not one of those people. I am happy with who I am.

How does it feel to be straight? I really couldn't tell you because I've never felt that way. How does it feel to be gay? I have an answer to that question, but the answer never seems to vary all that much from straight people's answer to my first question.

Can any of us really know what another person feels? I really don't think so. We might be able to come to and understanding, an inkling perhaps of a person's joy, ecstacy, sorrow and pain. But the best we can do is compare it to the way we have felt or might feel.

That being said, how can a person tell me how I feel?

"Being gay is a choice!" is common rhetoric today.

Who are they talking about? Who has made this choice?

I always think to myself when "gay is a choise" is uttered, "Did you make that choice?"

The question really comes down to, who do you define as gay? Anyone who has had a homosexual feeling or fantacy? Anyone who has experimented with the same sex? Anyone who has ever had a homosexual experience? Bisexuals? People who prefer the same sex? Or people who are only interested in the same sex?

For those who find themselves attracted to both sexes, gay might be a choice; for the rest of us, gay is simply who we are. Telling us that gay is a choice is like telling us, "Being born is a choice, being human is a choice."

Being with someone of the same sex might be a choice for those who only have gay fantacies, gay experiences, or for those who are bisexual. But for the rest of us, we can be with someone of the same sex, or we can be alone.

Whether I'm alone or not, that will never change the fact that I am gay!

Kinsey

Last night I had the deep pleasure of watching the DVD, Kinsey.

It's a very interesting story about the life and studies of the biologist Dr. Alfred Kinsey.

Kinsey led the first major study in relation to human sexuality; his discoveries shock the world and have deeply affected our current views on the subject.

I recommend this movie to anyone with an open mind!

Brokeback Mountain

The amazing love story and cinematic triumph, Brokeback Mountain is now available on DVD!

When you look in the GLBT section you'll find quite a few movies, perhaps more than you expect. However, just like other genres the really good ones are few and far between. The most recent great gay themed film I saw was Latter Days.

Brokeback is a beautiful movie in many ways; I hope that whether you are gay, straight, bi or whatever, you'll take an opportunity to watch it.

Marriage - A Step Backward?

I keep on hearing arguments from gay people who are against gay marriage.

At first I thought, "Are you crazy? You have to be kidding me!"

They say, "We don't need marriage...", "We want to be different...", "We don't need government sanction..."

My answers are,

"No one NEEDS marriage. Being different isn't all that great when you have no choice but to be different. Of course we don't need government to sanction our love, but we need them to grant us equality and rights."

The more I think about this intercultural conflict the more it reminds me of the feminist movement. No matter how unequal men and women are, there will always be those comfortable with that. They are happy, and I think that's beautiful; for them.

The problem comes into play when a person's choices are limited simply based on their sex, gender, and/or sexual orientation. Even if they wanted the same thing as a man or straight couple, they can't have it. It's all about the choices that are available.

We cannot have a completely free society unless the same opportunities are available to all!

Marriage Amendment

Two sides to the issue of adding an Amendment to the constitution

The pro-amendment portion gets 20 more seconds of air-time than the other, but I think its clear who I mostly agree with.

Disinheritance

Yesterday while listening to NPR, I heard a commentary by Rich Cohen. Mr. Cohen is the author of the new book, Sweet and Low: a Family Story.

The commentary briefly described how a misunderstanding left his mother and himself with no portion of a rather large fortune. Cohen compared this grandmother's action of disinheritance to having a necessary flight permanently cancelled.

I have to admit I didn't understand why getting all that money was so necessary. Did Cohen build up insurmountable debt? If so, he has no one to blame but himself. Mr. Cohen, I have some advice for you; don't depend on money that isn't physically in your bank account!

While listening to the commentary, Cohen tries to convince the listener that the money doesn't really matter, only the message that it sent to him and his family. He and his family (he speaks for them) now feel ostracized; DNA is the only thing that connects him to a now estranged family.

Cohen communicates little accept his bitterness and feeling of betrayal. Am I supposed to feel sorry for him? Oh, you poor little spoiled rich boy, you didn't cash in. Boo hoo. I'm sorry you didn't get your millions upon millions just for being born into a particular family.

I mean seriously, does he expect the general public to sympathize with him? He certainly knows his former peers won’t help; they live high through screwing the average person.

What is the point of this book? Is it to salvage some kind of fortune out of his experience? An act of desperation to cash in somehow? He hopes his children will never find out what happened, yet he's going to write a book about it? He must assume that "normal" people are stupid!

Mr. Cohen nobody cares about your misfortunes! As you will come to find out, "normal" people deal with disappointment and discouragement daily, we just don’t bitch about it on national radio.

Straight? Unhappy? www.gay.com

Who doesn't love a good parody? This billboard was poking fun at Exodus' ad saying: "Gay? Unhappy? www.exodus.to"

I came across this amusing little tid-bit while browsing the ACLU's GLBT section. My amusement; however, was short-lived when I found out that Exodus was threatening this blogger with a law suit.

How is it that an organization that practices a denounced method of "treating" (more like abusing) homosexuals can be so sensitive about a simple parody. They think it's ok to associate being gay with unhappiness and expect no criticism? Truly, this organization is just as silly as the others who think gay is synonymous with depression. "Runny nose, huh? A band aid on your toe should do the trick."

Homosexuality causes depression; yet another widely accepted fallacy!

Know Thyself

"Know thyself."~ Thales

I believe everyone spends their whole life figuring out who they are, expressing who they think they are, and receiving feedback from others about it.

Personally, I don't think that anyone ever really changes. The changes that most of us speak of occur when we change our actions, and not when we personally change. In short, we learn more and do things differently.

Take this for example...

I used to be a very conservative right-wing Mormon boy, then I served a mission in Japan. Over the course of two years, my whole perspective changed; I personally didn't change, but what I knew about the world and the people in it did.

...whether or not you buy that is up to you.

*******************************************

I think it’s important for each of us to strive to know ourselves; search for our strengths, weaknesses, talents, and tendencies.

It’s just as important to know our shortcomings as our strengths.

One of my worst tendencies is blaming myself for everything. For some odd reason, if someone accuses me of something, whether I did it or not, I feel bad. If someone is hurt or upset, I automatically think I'm the cause. It's very unhealthy, but knowing that its a weakness helps me overcome it.

Another one of my shortcomings is trying to please everyone; I'm addicted to praise. I totally agree with Xenophon, "The sweetest of all sounds is praise."

This may not sound bad, but its very self-defeating. Each person is responsible for their own happiness. No one should have to act a certain way or do specific things in order to make another person happy. Yet, I find myself, almost daily, trying to be the person that will make everyone happy.

What ends up happening is I work myself into the ground trying to be people's happiness, but they're still not happy. How frustrating!

When I finally realized that I couldn't "make" anyone happy...most of the pressure subsided. Still, more often than I'd like to admit, I try too hard to please.

Knowing yourself is the halfway point, don't be afraid; the journey is far more rewarding than you think.

Partner Equality

One of the greatest things about a gay relationship is the potential for real equality.

In a straight relationship there are inherent inequalities; for example, pregnancy. The woman is always the one to carry the children and because of this the best that a heterosexual relationship can hope for is 'trade off.'

Trade off is very difficult when you try to equate two very different roles. The woman carries the child(ren) and the man works...is this equal? I personally believe that this setup is a lot more equal than the ones that are most common today: the woman works, takes care of the kids, cooks the meals, and balances the check book; the man works. Now, I realize that this isn't how all straight couples are, but there are enough of these incredibly unequal relationships to spark dialog.

Over the last 50 years, the woman's role has been expanding at a much faster rate than men's, but at the same time the number of same-sex couples has been increasing...

I have often been told by my straight friends that I'm either the woman or the man in the relationship, but it’s a lot more dynamic than that. My partner and I compliment each other in that we take on whatever role is necessary to get the job done.

Since we are not the "usual" couple, we don't have rules about who should do what. If one of us is sad, the other takes on the typical woman's role, comforting and sympathizing. If dinner needs cooking, laundry needs folding, money needs making, or house needs cleaning one of us does it or we help one another. There are no expectations and no gender stereotypes.

Yes, it is a great time to be gay. We get closer and closer to equality with our partner and equality with straight couples every day. I hope that in the future the straight and gay communities can put their differences aside and learn from one another.

There is something to learn from everyone, I hope I'm alive to see that day!

Desperate Housewives

Recently I've become adicted to the popular show, Desperate Housewives.

Just this last weekend I bought the first season. My schedule is not consistent enough to watch the show when it comes on, so I'll just have to wait until the second season comes out so I can get up to speed.

Let me tell ya, I eat those kind of shows up. Hey I'm gay and I love drama drama drama! And I'm sure you know if you've ever seen the show, there's plenty of drama to be had in each episode.

The show unfortunately does not exibt many ethnic minorities (at least in the first season), but it does have a lot to say about gender minorities.

My mother is a stay-at-home mom. This kind of role is overwhelmingly encouraged by the Mormon Religion; unfortunately, that arrangement is becoming more and more rare as the gap between middle and upper class increases.

Mormonizm and Me

I think it’s about time I reveal a little more about my past...

If you check out the new links on the right side of the page it will give you a clue.

That's right, I was raised Mormon.

If you've never heard of a Mormon it’s probably because you live on the east coast or around the mid-west. Mormons dominate society in Utah and have a strong influence in Arizona, but outside of that they're pretty well dispersed through out the world. If you want some slanted information on the Mormons a.k.a. the Church or Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints visit their website. If you Google "Mormon" you'll find a lot of anti-Mormon information (most of which is based on half-truths, but some that raise real and logical concerns about the organization), as well as, the site I just referenced.

I was the first born to a couple who had only been married for nine months and three days (they didn't waste anytime). Mormons are really into big families, I've known some to have 21 children, and yes, that was with one mother; all single births. Mormons are the ultimate breeders, and being as diligent as they are in that area, they have a real issue with homosexuality.

Being the first of six children in a Mormon house hold is a lot of responsibility; it is your job to set a good example for the rest of the little ones. The best and most popular way for an Eldest son in the LDS (LDS is another term for Mormon) Church to do this is to serve a full-time mission.

Young Mormon men will often choose to serve a mission when they're 19 years old. They leave their family and try to teach the Mormon religion to total strangers. They're usually gone for 2 years.

You might be asking, "Why the hell would someone do that?"

Well it’s for the same reason that people choose to hide their sexuality; society pressures them to. Some of these young men will do their best to convince you that they "wanted" to go on a mission. The truth is that most Mormon young men are looked down on if they don't serve their two years. On top of that, most Mormon women won't even consider dating a man who is not a return missionary. It’s a deeply rooted part of their culture.

So who do you think fell victim to this cultural pressure...me, of course. I wasn't interested in dating women, but I was interested in pleasing my family. I had spent all of my life trying to please them...I wasn't about to stop.

Serving in the coldest part of Japan for two years was a special kind of hell for me. Having been raised in one of the largest and hottest deserts in the world...I was rather accustomed to the heat, not the cold. Snow was, and still is, so foreign to me. On top of that, Japanese people really aren't interested in Christianity. They think of Christianity much like some Americans think of the Islamic religions. In other words, they would rather shove bamboo under their nails than join a Christian Church.

To make a long story short, it sucked!

After two years of being cold and rejected by a completely foreign society I began to think, "You know what? This whole Mormon thing is just so not me!"

It was at this point I began to fully understand: I am totally gay! I'm not just a gentleman that respects women; I'm a full blown homosexual. Things had never been so clear.

The clarity soon filled me with a feeling of peace that I had never before experienced; it was a real relief when I came to grips with the fact that I am gay, and that's ok. What other people thought didn't matter as much as what I thought. Wow! It was a great feeling! Is this how straight people feel all the time?

That is a very brief synopsis of my coming out process and affiliation with the Mormon Church…I’ll be diving more deeply into things in the future.

Flash those things someplace else

Ever watch a movie that would have been awesome if only they would have left out "that one scene"? Well, my day was a lot like that…

My boyfriend, Arn had his final interview for front desk at the College I work at; he got the job. We were both so happy as we drove home. I told him how proud I was that he did so well. We were holding hands and a truck stopped next to us at the light. This particular light takes FOREVER.

After a minute or so of waiting I hear someone yelling at me from the truck, I look over and can you guess what I saw? Two bare boobies. Yep, Arn and I got flashed. I looked away instantly, covering my eyes. After a bit the morbid curiosity got the best of me, "She wouldn't still be flashing everyone, someone would see, call the cops (if only I still had a cell phone)." But sure enough I glanced back and she still had them hanging out. Crazy!

I'm pretty sure I know her motive. She had seen Arn and me holding hands in the car. Was she thinking her mammary glands would turn me straight? That after seeing those things I'd suddenly be attracted to women? Silly silly girl, I'm much more likely to convert your boyfriend than you are to convert me to the dark side.

After I was finished being butt hurt, I thought to myself, "Would I have been as offended if a man had whipped out his dick?" I made a joke with my coworkers that I wouldn't have been, but that simply isn't true. Publicly flashing a total unsuspecting stranger is just plain inappropriate. If you enjoy undressing in front of strangers get a job at a strip club!

Never Forgive?

The other day I saw a bumper sticker that really struck me. No, it wasn't an anti gay marriage sticker or a pro bush sticker. The bumper sticker I saw had a picture of the twin towers with a short four word message all in caps, "NEVER FORGET, NEVER FORGIVE"

I personally believe that it is good to remember the innocent people that lost their lives to those terrorist attacks, but it was that part about forgiveness that really hit me.

To me, forgiveness doesn't mean that you forget; it means you set aside your anger.

What good does it do anyone to be angry? Especially bitterly angry? The person who is angry ends up punishing themselves much more than the person they are angry at. Anger takes a lot of energy... it is a consuming and negative emotion; worst of all it can cloud your judgment and make you irrational. You'll start to do things that are normally against your character; things you know are wrong. This is why anger is one of the seven deadly sins. Everyone feels angry from time to time, but it’s when you let it consume you that you're in real trouble.

When you're angry you might do something really unethical. For example, you might lie to your nation so that they will let you invade another nation so that you can get revenge and power over the people who allegedly wronged your people; I won't mention any names ... you know who you are.

When you're angry, you will likely look for an excuse, or rationalization for your anger and hatred. A common excuse is personal beliefs disguised as religion. Here is a good example, “These people's ancestors killed my savior; how could they do that? I hate them!" Rational thinking would immediately lead you to conclude: "That happened thousands of years ago, no one living today is responsible for that event."

Here is another good example, "The Bible says that how they feel is wrong. It says that god hates them, so I hate them!" Rational thinking would immediately remind you that the Bible also says that you should "love thy neighbor as thyself" and not, "love thy neighbor unless he doesn't believe everything that you believe."

When you let your anger take over, you won't end up at a rational conclusion, you'll long for revenge...a longing that will not end with revenge, but leave you thirsting for more and more, until you are just as bad or worst than the person(s) who allegedly wronged you.

Mahatma Gandhi once said, "The weak can never forgive; forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

In short, NEVER FORGETTing the people who died is much more healthy than NEVER FORGIVing.

When we refuse to forgive, we burn the bridge that we must crossover ourselves.

Props to Fry's F&D

There is something definitely to be said about a large corporation that can still give good customer service.

The day that we moved into our new apartment in Phoenix, Arn and I went shopping for some furniture that we needed. After months of searching for the best deals and best quality we decided to buy most of it at Fry's Food and Drug. Surprisingly enough, Fry's also sells pretty nice furniture at reasonable prices.

We had already decided what we wanted, so today was the pick-up day. One dining table, a futon couch, a beautiful lamp, and $700 later we were loading up our truck. In the hustle and bustle of all that, we forgot our new lamp. It was the last one of its kind; we actually bought the display. That same day, after we realized the lamp had not been loaded, we headed back to Fry's. Unfortunately, the people that had helped us were all gone for the day. We left our number and information so they could contact us if they found our lamp.

A week later we went back and explained our plight to new customer service people. The lamp we originally wanted wasn't there (we had purchased the last one), but they gave us our choice of whatever lamp we wanted for the same price.

After much deliberation, we found another suitable lamp (not near as cute as the first, but suitable). This lamp was more expensive than the original, but they gave it to us at no additional charge. I was very pleased. I thought that Arn and I would have to eat the cost of the original lamp, but instead we got an even more expensive one at no extra charge! Major props to Fry's!

I'm definitely going to do more shopping there!!!

Promises, promises

There is a serious pandemic in our society today; a widespread disinclination to uphold your end of an agreement.

Throughout my life, people have made me promise after promise without any intention of keeping them. I imagine that the average person has experienced the same phenomenon; promises are no longer a binding agreement, but a feeble attempt at politeness. "I'm sorry I broke that. I promise I'll get it fixed." :: translation:: "I'm being polite to you so I can take advantage of you in the future."

"Can I borrow some cash? I promise I'll pay you back." ::translation:: "You know you're too nice to say 'no,' I'll never be able to pay you back because I always spend too much money on things I don't need."

I personally have issues with making promises. You'd be hard pressed to find me uttering the phase, "I promise" ever. Unless I think it’s extremely important, and I know that I can fulfill my promise without fail, those words will not be used.

I've had friends, boyfriends, and family members all try to make me promise that I'll always be there. I'm sorry, but I simply can't promise that. I'll do my best, but I can't promise.

Some have tried to make me promise to attend events or activities, but I simply can't. The word promise means more to me than that. What if I get sick? What if I die? What if something comes up? I'm not going to make a "pie-crust promise; easily made, easily broken."

When I say the words, "I promise" I'm going to enlist the powers of heaven and earth to help me fulfill that promise. Nothing will stand in the way; nothing is of greater priority.

Why is the word, 'promise' thrown around like it is? I don't expect anything from anyone that I don't expect of myself. So when someone says, "I promise" I'm going to expect them to make it good. If they don't, they unfortunately receive a label from me; untrustworthy. And that is a label that no one ever escapes from.

What is more "normal" than having trouble with your long-term partner? I mean seriously, in our society if you're not having trouble maintaining a relationship, you're a freak of nature.

I have to admit that between all the turmoil that goes on in a relationship I think something positive can come of it. Of course this completely depends on the people in the relationship. Both members need to have all of the following things to have positive conflict:

1. Honesty! --No one will ever see positive results from an type of conflict.--
2. Diplomacy --Everyone in a conflict needs to demonstrate an appropriate amount of diplomacy if you want to continue a healthy relationship. When you yell, "I hate you!" to any party, even though it may be honest, isn't going to yield a positive result.--
3. A reasonable level of maturity --This is a relative requirement, some relationships require more maturity than others; most don't need both members to be on the same level.--
4. A willingness to compromise --Every relationship needs to be beneficial to both sides. Unless compromise happens during a conflict mutual growth will not occur. Compromise is also necessary to achieve balance and equality--

No matter who we are with, we all deal with similar situations and conflicts in our relationships.

The first time I started comparing gay relationships to hetero relationships was during a conflict with a former partner. Even though I'm very different from both my parents (leaving the sexuality issue aside), I found myself approaching relationship conflicts in the same way as my mother.

She would often bring up things my dad had done many years ago to make her point; she never let go of the past. My dad always knew it was coming when he heard the works, "Well, when we were first married..."

I found myself saying very similar things to my partner, "When we were first dating..." "When we first met..." "What about that time when you..." Despite the fact that I've tried to change I make the same mistakes in my current relationship.

I could point out to you thousands of trivial differences between my parents relationship and mine, but when you got right down to it, there are very similar patterns. There's no escaping it, you are your parent’s child. No matter how hard you try you will at times channel your parent’s relationship.

If you don't want to end up like your parents there are a number of things that have helped me, maybe they could help you:

1. Communicate with your partner, and enlist their help
2. Identify what triggers your weaknesses in a relationship and do your best to minimize those triggers.
3. Become very conscious of your tendencies and come up with healthy alternate reactions