New Years Resolutions

1. Find a good therapist (Check)
2. Make a career change and/or job change (Check)
3. Gain 10 lbs in muscle (Check)
4. Focus on people's good qualities in an effort to appreciate them more and improve my attitude towards them. (This is an on going thing, but something I still need to work on)

Walls

What's your motivation when the day is through?
Do you justify your actions by what's been done to you?
Do you do good to bind others to obligation,
To coerce some form of self gratification?

Is it a desire to purge yourself of guilt?
Former circumstances without protection built.
The walls defend against a pain's repeat,
But your walls inevitably bare defeat.

The walls cannot block the pain that's within
The barriers also thwart joy that could begin.

Appropriate Quote

"We are like sculptors, constantly carving out of others the image we long for, need, love or desire, often against reality, against [our] benefit, and always, in the end, a disappointment, because it does not fit [us]."

~ Anais Nin

Seek

Do I really seek truth?
It's so ugly and uncouth
Each time I strip away a lie
I watch beauty whither and die.

How often does a gorgeous facade
Conceal something most retched and odd?
How often is the sound of praise
Used to manipulate and to maze?

Do the beliefs I cling to for hope
Wrap around my neck in the form of a rope?
Is the reality I think I exist in
Held up by a cloth worn and paper thin?

Taskmaster

The image in permanent view
My self-perception is askew
Ever trying to be
Like those images I see.

The ideal hanging over my head
Other endeavours left unfed
The taskmaster's lashing me;
No chains, yet I do not flee.

I'm afraid there's no place to run
He's been there since life's begun
There's no one crueler, you see;
For the taskmaster is me.

Lunch with Mom

So I took my mom out of lunch today. This is actually the 4th or 5th time we've gone out to eat together. Is that unusual? Some people think it's weird that I take my mom out to eat places.

Truth is, she loves the places I take her so much it's hard not to have a good time.

This time we went to Ticoz near 7th Street and Camelback and she absolutely loved it. I can't wait to take her to some other fun place.

Holy sh*t, it's been a year!

Today I've been with AMEX (contracted through CDI) for a year. Boy, the days felt like weeks, but the weeks felt like days. Made so many good friends, I really am fortunate to work with excellent and open-minded individuals.

I didn't know if they'd renew my contract, come today I was wondering if all of a sudden I'd be unemployed. Fortunately I'm still here and bringing home a paycheck.

Dr. Not-As-Advertised

I have this friend at work that doesn't really work with me, but comes by to say "Hi" sometimes. He's a part of the extended groups of friends that I usually meet through my coworkers.

A while back he asked me if I'd be interested in meeting one of his friends for a date sometime. Immediately I ask, "Well tell me about him, what's he like?"

The picture he painted for me was quite pretty, "Well, he's a doctor and I think about 35"
"No problems there," I reply approvingly.
"...and he's a big body builder type, do you get into that?" my friend asks with sincere doubt.
"I could definitely get into that!" I answer holding back the laughter.

So a couple of weeks later the ball starts rolling...I send my friend a picture of me and he sends it to my date. He likes, check.

Then my friend shoots me an IM, "Man, I really f-ed up...turns out he's actually 45...but he totally looks 35!"

I give the green light, but doubt begins to build.

There's an abnormal delay in getting a reciprocating picture, but I already have such a pretty picture in my head that I proceed; I make all the arrangements, when, where.

I get an email from my work friend, "Here's the picture I kept forgetting to send..."

I download it from my BlackBerry and open it. Stunned, I stood fixated on the small digital pixels for at least a minute.

"Who is this? There must be some mistake. Not only is this man old enough to be my father (45), he looks older than my father (50)."

I studied the picture more, the man was completely bald and slightly chunky looking.

"Body builder? I'm sorry, but no one could stretch it that far."

All the arrangements are made though...it's just not in me to back out. So I go through with it. Many of my friends find my predicament amusing.

The date went exactly as I expected and hoped it would...there was nothing and we ended our evening with a quick hug.


Life goes on as normal now, with one small change. My work friend now has the word "CLUELESS" imagined to be stenciled across his forehead.