What is more "normal" than having trouble with your long-term partner? I mean seriously, in our society if you're not having trouble maintaining a relationship, you're a freak of nature.

I have to admit that between all the turmoil that goes on in a relationship I think something positive can come of it. Of course this completely depends on the people in the relationship. Both members need to have all of the following things to have positive conflict:

1. Honesty! --No one will ever see positive results from an type of conflict.--
2. Diplomacy --Everyone in a conflict needs to demonstrate an appropriate amount of diplomacy if you want to continue a healthy relationship. When you yell, "I hate you!" to any party, even though it may be honest, isn't going to yield a positive result.--
3. A reasonable level of maturity --This is a relative requirement, some relationships require more maturity than others; most don't need both members to be on the same level.--
4. A willingness to compromise --Every relationship needs to be beneficial to both sides. Unless compromise happens during a conflict mutual growth will not occur. Compromise is also necessary to achieve balance and equality--

No matter who we are with, we all deal with similar situations and conflicts in our relationships.

The first time I started comparing gay relationships to hetero relationships was during a conflict with a former partner. Even though I'm very different from both my parents (leaving the sexuality issue aside), I found myself approaching relationship conflicts in the same way as my mother.

She would often bring up things my dad had done many years ago to make her point; she never let go of the past. My dad always knew it was coming when he heard the works, "Well, when we were first married..."

I found myself saying very similar things to my partner, "When we were first dating..." "When we first met..." "What about that time when you..." Despite the fact that I've tried to change I make the same mistakes in my current relationship.

I could point out to you thousands of trivial differences between my parents relationship and mine, but when you got right down to it, there are very similar patterns. There's no escaping it, you are your parent’s child. No matter how hard you try you will at times channel your parent’s relationship.

If you don't want to end up like your parents there are a number of things that have helped me, maybe they could help you:

1. Communicate with your partner, and enlist their help
2. Identify what triggers your weaknesses in a relationship and do your best to minimize those triggers.
3. Become very conscious of your tendencies and come up with healthy alternate reactions