PUBLIC AFFAIRS: Let’s say my 17-year-old son comes to talk to me and, after a great deal of difficulty trying to get it out, tells me that he believes that he’s attracted to men — that he has no interest and never has had any interest in girls. He believes he’s probably gay. He says that he’s tried to suppress these feelings. He’s remained celibate, but he realizes that his feelings are going to be devastating to the family because we’ve always talked about his Church mission, about his temple marriage and all those kinds of things. He just feels he can’t live what he thinks is a lie any longer, and so he comes in this very upset and depressed manner. What do I tell him as a parent?
ELDER OAKS: You’re my son. You will always be my son, and I’ll always be there to help you.
The distinction between feelings or inclinations on the one hand, and behavior on the other hand, is very clear. It’s no sin to have inclinations that if yielded to would produce behavior that would be a transgression [Jacob: It's important to make the distinction between fact and beliefs. The phase, "gay behavior is a transgression" is a belief.]. The sin is in yielding to temptation. Temptation is not unique. Even the Savior was tempted [Jacob: We all have urges, that's true. We all have beliefs, you believe that opposite sex attraction is ordained of god, but that is only a belief, not a fact. If someone is attracted to the opposite sex, and gets married magically these "temptations" are ok. One minute sex is a sin, a couple of "I do's" later it's holy.]
The New Testament affirms that God has given us commandments that are difficult to keep. It is in 1 Corinthians chapter 10, verse 13: “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” [Jacob: Lots of examples of beliefs, where are the facts?]
I think it’s important for you to understand that homosexuality, which you’ve spoken of, is not a noun that describes a condition. It’s an adjective that describes feelings or behavior [Jacob: You're half right, it is both.]. I encourage you, as you struggle with these challenges, not to think of yourself as a ‘something’ or ‘another,’ except that you’re a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and you’re my son, and that you’re struggling with challenges [Jacob: Yes, my challenge is the oppression of a fundamentalist church. Just to be clear, being a member of the Mormon church is a choice. Membership in a church does not constitute more of a persons identity than their sexuality.].
Everyone has some challenges they have to struggle with [Jacob: First fact, congratz.]. You’ve described a particular kind of challenge that is very vexing [Jacob: Yes, being coerced by Mormon society to be something other than yourself is very vexing, thanks for being so sympathetic.]. It is common in our society and it has also become politicized [Jacob: Common is a relative term, but you're right...it has become politicized and the Mormon churched has helped it become so.]. But it’s only one of a host of challenges men and women have to struggle with, and I just encourage you to seek the help of the Savior to resist temptation and to refrain from behavior that would cause you to have to repent or to have your Church membership called into question [Jacob: This is a plea based on personal beliefs and ideologies, not facts.].
General Statements to Elder Oaks and the Mormon Church: Beliefs do not constitute facts so keep them out of our laws.
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