This may be pathetic and narcissistic, but the main reason I started swimming again was to lose weight and get in shape for Hawaii. The Hawaii trip is over, what now?
I'm still swimming and even competing, but something is lacking: a goal, something to shoot for.
What about improving my times? That would seem like a reasonable way to keep motivated, but seeing my times after races is one of the most discouraging things. I remember many of my personal bests from high school and to be perfectly frank, I'm a f***in' turtle in comparison. Why not just focus on improving my recent times? I'm afraid asking me to pretend like my early career didn't happen just isn't me.
What about pure competition? Well the competition is so scattered and inconsistent, there is no way of telling if I'm going to meet up with a weak or intense field. So relying on that to bolster my motivation is unhealthy at best.
What about doing things for the team? The only real connection I feel with my team is our sexuality. We're gay and we happen to have met during a swim practice; I don't feel akin to my teammates through swimming.
The worst part of my devolving level of motivation is the patience I have for my teammates. The little things that I used to not let bother me before my trip really get on my nerves now. Silly things like getting annoyed when someone leaves 2 seconds behind me rather than 5; when they don't know how to be passed; when they go the same pace on the main set as a recovery set; when they say they should go second because they're out of shape and draft off your wake the whole way.
Can you tell I'm annoyed? LOL. It's becoming a serious problem. What should I do? Should I take a break? Should I switch teams? Should I cut back on practices? What?
This is just what's on my mind right now. I'm sure things will work out, just like everything does.
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You're so much like me... Well, okay, you're taller, younger, better looking, and clearly more motivated... But you express the frustrations I have had in the past...
I think the frustrations with your teammates is a natural thing. When you were swimming in high school, you were with a bunch of kids who never held back a verbal retort if somebody was on their toes. You were with a bunch of people accustomed to being told what to do. Now you're with adults who don't appreciate being told what to do. Adults hold back verbal remarks when they are pissed. Nope, it's a whole new way of looking at things. Even in college, I saw the beginnings of this attitude of "I'll do it my way."
When I coached masters swimming, I had to use a whole other approach to the swimmers. I had to be laid back. I had to suggest things rather than dictate things. That's the nature of the level of swimming.
Which is why I do bicycling. It's a nice, solitary form of exercise and I can push myself as much or as little as I want (I tend to push too hard, I think). In fact, on weekends when there are scores or hundreds of riders out on my normal routes, I bicycle very little; riding with others frustrates me. They ride so much faster than I do, or so much slower than I do.
So, maybe you can stick with swimming, but do it at your own pace at a local swim pool. And, you can still compete from time to time.
But face it. Your times will probably never be what they once were. I still see myself swimming at my high school or college speeds, but somehow my body just doesn't do what it once did. :)
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