Trouble

I'm in so much trouble
Without you, my heart crumbles
Just one look and I tumble
My mouth utters mumbles

All words, I do fumble
One smile, my fear crumbles
Ready for a rumble
But my body trundles

Others, they make grumbles
Hoping we will stumble
But my love only doubles
Every time we cuddle

Dedicated to my lovely Lucia...

The light breaks through and warms my skin
The water calls me to tread within
Beneath my feet the sand shifts free
Moving slowly closer, closer to thee

The soft crash and mist I breath deep
The wave envelopes and hugs my feet
I close my eyes and venture further
The heat and chill fuel my fervor

The ebb and pull brings me down
Now off my feet, knees hit the groun'
The waves recess, brook no resistance
So I dive with no thought, no penance.

My breath sits light as the stillest feather
The surface recedes to grant me succor
The current wanes and pushes about me
And I give no struggle and bask in thee.

Meaning

There is a deep sort of torment
Bread into my mind
A form that was shaped by
The trial of time.

Each swish of a tail
And predator's fail
Lead me down to where I tread
An endless desire to survive instead.

The beat of a wing; the pound of a storm
The sound in my silence weaving thoughts forlorn.
The weight of peace, the emptiness of hate
Molded the consciousness before and late.

The search for meaning for meaning's sake
It's one thing that no one can really fake
Germinated thoughts, hopes and dreams
For me to decide what it really means

Karma

My defenses grow weak
Amid the continued attack
The peace I seek
Is obscured 'cause I lack
The will to resist
The urge to get back
All the justice witheld
And the Karma setback.

Silence

Your heart is the only stone
I've ever known to bleed
You don't want to be alone;
Control is what you need.

In your event horizon
All my hopes and dreams were caught
And the more I gave to you
The more you demanded, sought

No words brought resolution
No good deed enough proof
Until at last my lips were closed
And my soul became aloof.

Bristle at my resistance -
Shoot your poison dart!
While the percussion of my silence
Shakes your hollow heart.

In the Name of Love

It's common to think
As we go through the year
About the meaning of love
And those we hold dear

Each person is unique
In their expression of love
Convinced that they're clear
In conveying thereof.

Some are content
To use verbal fluff
But quickly find
Words are not enough.

Some try to show
With actions alone
Yet without words
Intentions, unknown

Some are foolish,
Verbalize no hate
Actions however,
Often berate

In the name of love
many do toil
But their actions are hate
Deceive and embroil

How does it look
At the end of the day,
When words mean this
But your actions that say?

Sweet Agony

It's a beautiful image my mind can see
A lovely thought that's not meant to be
Reality can never quite compare
With my imagination's colorful flare

Oh, the sweet agony, when I picture you there
The color of your eyes as I helplessly stare
The visions that paint across my mind
Only heighten the pain I quickly find.

And yet my sufferings small in compared
To the option of actually having you there

Blank

I originally posted this last year on the 30th of August. I had filled in the blanks with assumptions that are kinder than the person deserved. I was hit with the information unexpectedly when my current boyfriend, Joe, said he knew the person to whom this poem refers and unknowingly filled in the blanks...

I can’t talk to you at all
Pounding against your wall
What are you hiding within?
Insecurity, unspeakable sin?

There’s too much unknown
I wallow and I grown
Into the depths I sank
As I filled in every blank

Can I slip through the door?
All your feelings explore
What might I see?
Good, bad; all fine with me!

There’s too much unknown
My rational has flown
My retreat you don’t flank
As I fill in every blank

Echoes

Was paying for mistakes unmade
And now that I've made them
It's clear the path was laid.
Once languishing in the unknown
Now lurched into reality's zone
Unsure exactly how to feel;
Anger sadness, pity, hate
I want to reach out, but it's too late.

Echoes began to precede my voice
You kept me blind, I had no choice
And I helplessly wait for
The wave to swallow me.
And silently implore
While you cowardly flee.
Every form of logic sways me
And my idle mind betrays me.

Walls

What's your motivation when the day is through?
Do you justify your actions by what's been done to you?
Do you do good to bind others to obligation,
To coerce some form of self gratification?

Is it a desire to purge yourself of guilt?
Former circumstances without protection built.
The walls defend against a pain's repeat,
But your walls inevitably bare defeat.

The walls cannot block the pain that's within
The barriers also thwart joy that could begin.

Seek

Do I really seek truth?
It's so ugly and uncouth
Each time I strip away a lie
I watch beauty whither and die.

How often does a gorgeous facade
Conceal something most retched and odd?
How often is the sound of praise
Used to manipulate and to maze?

Do the beliefs I cling to for hope
Wrap around my neck in the form of a rope?
Is the reality I think I exist in
Held up by a cloth worn and paper thin?

Taskmaster

The image in permanent view
My self-perception is askew
Ever trying to be
Like those images I see.

The ideal hanging over my head
Other endeavours left unfed
The taskmaster's lashing me;
No chains, yet I do not flee.

I'm afraid there's no place to run
He's been there since life's begun
There's no one crueler, you see;
For the taskmaster is me.

Chances

How can you ask for a single chance?
You've had your shot, twice...thrice;
I see a thousand when I take a glance.
Only one? Wouldn't that be nice.

You're only asking for ONE more.
Easy enough wouldn't you say?
It's a lot more difficult after a score
One more spent and another to pay

How many chances do you need my friend?
Your requests, I fear, will never end
The points against you begin to mount
I'm sorry the pretenses never count!

That Path

I’ve been down that path before
And others I’ve yet to explore
You can’t force me, I won’t follow you
The path I’ll blaze only taken by few.

Can’t conjure the love you express to me
My decision is already made you see
My heart knows that terrain too well
All connections ready to expel

Making You Mine

When all the songs seem to be about you
When your voice sheds every shade of blue
And your presence draws light from above
I simply must ask, ‘could it be love?’

When all your wants become mine too
And your smile pearces my chest through
Could it be some silly infatuation,
Or could it be love?

My euphoria sores, my mind's grounded
I know my feelings are firmly founded
When your bliss means more than making you mine
I know it must be love.

Reflections

You go through life trying to please them all
A social construct that will always fall
Your happiness contingent on theirs
Disappointment is the best it fares

Forcing yourself into everyone's mold
Trying to do and look as you’re told
You’re pushed and pulled in all directions
Avoiding truths like deadly infections

You resist eye contact with the mirror
Unfamiliar with how you appear
The shell does not reveal
The person you’re still.

Angels Find Devils

The world's a certain dichotomy
With a symmetric anatomy
The bad and the good
Both powers understood
Yet the two seem to find
Solace in each other's mind

The bad, they like to take
All the good the good can make
Most bad, they recognize
The good ones as a prize
And still don't wish to be
Like the goodness that they see.

The good, they do not tire
Though their work's consumed by fire.
They'll let themselves be hurt
And drag their feelings through the dirt
They may sing a bitter song,
But go right back to be wronged.

And I cannot comprehend
Why all the energy we expend
Trying to find a fit
With a perfect opposite
While the angels find devils
And demons higher levels.

Heartache I Don't Admit

We jumped in real quick
Clearly I was your pick
And you were mine too
Ignoring what we'd go thru
And ignoring who we are
Two worlds; so so far

I change everything for you
Asking for the same is too much
So I leave you behind as I grew
Until our paths no longer touch
The end is painful and slow
And why? Well, we both know.

I still feel your voice
And your skin against mine
Loving you was no choice
Feelings I can't define
The heartache I don't admit
And the feelings won't quit

It Doesn't Matter

It doesn't matter how many times
I'm right and you're wrong
It doesn't matter if I link the rhyms
You can't remember the song.

You manage to maintain your stance
No matter how shaky the ground
In your mind there is no chance
An err in your logic could be found.

You keep your confidence intact
While you're wrong again and again
You're a lie in the form of an act
Yet a positive light you will to spin.

You will contradict me
While you have no facts
I can't make you see
It's like herding cats.

I know what's what
Will you lend an ear?
We're both in a rut
The end is here.

Before I...

I feel the passage of time each day
And with every breathe life's slipping away
I struggle to take the air in deep
And wonder at night if I'll pass beyond sleep.

Pushing through the crowd as it pushes me
Where's left to look? Where can you be?
So many faces, my vision blurs
Will I find you while my soul still sturs?

When I find you will I know your face?
Or will you be a stranger in a foreign place?
Are you searching as I am now?
Or are you lost and don't know how?

I don't want to die before you're there,
Gazing at me with that loving stare.
Sharing the life we knew we would
And by each other understood.

Would it matter if I died today?
Lonely on our course to stay?
No, life does not wait for anyone
Not even for those who walk alone.