QUAC Ski-N-Swim

I competed in my first all gay swim meet this weekend. QUAC hosted the Ski-N-Swim weekend in Salt Lake City. I did surprisingly well; I was not in shape enough to swim the times I did. :)

1st in the 4X50 Medley Relay; I swam the breaststroke leg
1st (by 3 hundreths of a second) in the 4X25 Medley Relay; swam butterfly

25.2 in the 50 Fly
2:05 in the 200IM
56 in the 100IM

BS West

I went to BS West in Old Town Scottsdale last night and guess who I saw? Yep, Mr. Psycho-Ex himself. It had been such a long time since I'd seen him I had almost thought that he'd moved away.

It appears that he's learned his lesson though, I didn't see him after the initial sighting.

Rich from the swim team showed up as well, we had a good time. They played almost all of my recent favorites: Umbrella, Faster Kill Pussycat, and Shut Up and Drive.

It was fun, but I had a hard time dancing...I felt self-conscience. Just before I left for BS, I looked in the mirror and I thought I looked just like Napoleon Dynamite. Grrrr. It affected me so much that I had a dream I came into work in my underwear (those kind of dreams are usually a metaphor specifically pointing to insecurities about one's appearance). I think it's been over 10 years since I've had one of those...it was awful.

Arizona State Masters Championships

Just a quick update...I placed first in all my events (50, 100, 200 Fly; 50, 100 Breast; 50 Free; 200 and 400 IM) for my age group. Also I received a high-point award.

The meet was a lot of fun with a number of my teammates there. We had a really good time.

Internal Struggle

This may be pathetic and narcissistic, but the main reason I started swimming again was to lose weight and get in shape for Hawaii. The Hawaii trip is over, what now?

I'm still swimming and even competing, but something is lacking: a goal, something to shoot for.

What about improving my times? That would seem like a reasonable way to keep motivated, but seeing my times after races is one of the most discouraging things. I remember many of my personal bests from high school and to be perfectly frank, I'm a f***in' turtle in comparison. Why not just focus on improving my recent times? I'm afraid asking me to pretend like my early career didn't happen just isn't me.

What about pure competition? Well the competition is so scattered and inconsistent, there is no way of telling if I'm going to meet up with a weak or intense field. So relying on that to bolster my motivation is unhealthy at best.

What about doing things for the team? The only real connection I feel with my team is our sexuality. We're gay and we happen to have met during a swim practice; I don't feel akin to my teammates through swimming.

The worst part of my devolving level of motivation is the patience I have for my teammates. The little things that I used to not let bother me before my trip really get on my nerves now. Silly things like getting annoyed when someone leaves 2 seconds behind me rather than 5; when they don't know how to be passed; when they go the same pace on the main set as a recovery set; when they say they should go second because they're out of shape and draft off your wake the whole way.

Can you tell I'm annoyed? LOL. It's becoming a serious problem. What should I do? Should I take a break? Should I switch teams? Should I cut back on practices? What?

This is just what's on my mind right now. I'm sure things will work out, just like everything does.

Fast Times in the Cool Pines

Yesterday I participated in my second meet since I joined the Sunfish. This time I was the only person representing my team; I thought it would be awkward and uncomfortable having a team area of one, but to my pleasant surprise it was an extremely enjoyable competition!

The weather in Flagstaff was beautiful: partly cloudly and in the low 80s

I won 3 out of the 5 events I swam...

  50 FL : 0:29.14 : First
100 BR : 1:22.05 : Second
100 FL : 1:08.00 : First
200 IM : 2:40.58 : First
  50 BR : 0:36.29 : Second

Some National Breaststroke Champion was participating and easily took me in both breaststrokes; I'm definately not a national caliber swimmer.

One thing is for sure, I have no endurance. I really need to work on that.

Deja Vu

I've had an unpleasant sort of Deja Vu this week. I guess it isn't so much Deja Vu as it is a relapse of old habits.

I had my first meet in 8 years last weekend. So I over prepared and kept myself real busy to the point where I forget to eat...then not eat enough...then end up feeling weak for my events. That part is definately familiar; however, the second part is just as familiar albeit worse. After my temporary eating disorder has kicked in, I usually get sick.

Yep, I feel 17 all over again. The nausea, the aches, the weak feeling in my bones...all too familiar!

Phoenix Sunfish

Since this last April I've been a part of the gay and lesbian masters swim team, Phoenix Sunfish. At first I was just going to get in shape for my next trip to Hawaii, but it has become so much more than a workout.

When I finished swimming in high school I had a really bad taste in my mouth over all the drama and petty swimmers. There were few people on my team whom I could tolerate and even fewer I cared for. Being a gay-Mormon in denyal on a swim team of crude nearly naked athletes didn't sit very well (I know, mostly my fault). By the end of 1999 I didn't think I'd ever compete again.

For a month or so after I joined the Sunfish I still didn't intend to participate in meets, but all that has changed. Making friends with the people on the team has been a great experience so far. On top of being swimmers we are also a part of the same community.

This weekend will be my first swimming competition in 8 years. Crazy! I'm so nervous and excited! To ease my jitters I splerged and got a suite at the Holiday Inn near the pool. Meet results will be posted next week.