The Gay Tax

This is an interesting article about the economic burdens of inequality.

In Response to Ignorance: Part X

PUBLIC AFFAIRS: Both of you have mentioned the issue of compassion and this feeling about needing to be compassionate. Let’s fast-forward the scenario that we used earlier, and assume it’s a couple of years later. My conversations with my son, all our efforts to love our son and keep him in the Church have failed to address what he sees as the central issue — that he can’t help his feelings. He’s now told us that he’s moving out of the home. He plans to live with a gay friend. He’s adamant about it. What should be the proper response of a Latter-day Saint parent in that situation?
ELDER OAKS: It seems to me that a Latter-day Saint parent has a responsibility in love and gentleness to affirm the teaching of the Lord through His prophets that the course of action he is about to embark upon is sinful. While affirming our continued love for him, and affirming that the family continues to have its arms open to him, I think it would be well to review with him something like the following, which is a statement of the First Presidency in 1991: “The Lord’s law of moral conduct is abstinence outside of lawful marriage and fidelity within marriage. Sexual relations are proper only between husband and wife, appropriately expressed within the bonds of marriage. Any other sexual conduct, including fornication, adultery, and homosexual and lesbian behavior is sinful. Those who persist in such practices or influence others to do so are subject to Church discipline.” [Jacob: You should expound on what you mean by "church discipline," it sounds harsh, like a threat. Since this rhetoric is so easily misinterpreted and because there is a growing number of people who share the opinion that Mormons hate homosexuals, it would be prudent to incorporate descriptions of loving actions rather than just the word "love."]
My first responsibility as a father is to make sure that he understands that, and then to say to him, “My son, if you choose to deliberately engage in this kind of behavior, you’re still my son. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is powerful enough to reach out and cleanse you if you are repentant and give up your sinful behavior, but I urge you not to embark on that path because repentance is not easy. You’re embarking on a course of action that will weaken you in your ability to repent. It will cloud your perceptions of what is important in life. Finally, it may drag you down so far that you can’t come back. Don’t go that way. But if you choose to go that way, we will always try to help you and get you back on the path of growth. [Jacob: You make the assumption that gay relationships are incapable of growth. This assumption is based on personal beliefs and religious dogma, not fact.]
ELDER WICKMAN: One way to read the Book of Mormon is as a book of encounters between fathers and sons. Some of those encounters were very positive and reinforcing on the part of the father of a son. Some were occasions where a father had to tell his son or his sons that the path that they were following was incorrect before the Lord. With all, it needs to be done in the spirit of love and welcoming that, as Elder Oaks mentioned, ‘You’re always my son.’ There’s an old maxim which is really true for every parent and that is, ‘You haven’t failed until you quit trying.’ I think that means both in terms of taking appropriate opportunities to teach one’s children the right way, but at all times making sure they know that over all things you’ll love them. [Jacob: This concept is simple enough to state, but do we care about how this will be received? The love your implying requires a parent to continually remind a child that they are on the wrong path, that their life is sinful...even if you believe this to be true, do you honestly think that is an environment to sustain an atmosphere of love? Your method does not work well in practice.]

Fair? Petty?

There are a lot of emotions surrounding the idea of marriage. Honestly, I've never planned to enter into any type of union, but that's not the point. Being a typical libra I'm uncomfortable with inequality.

I brought my boyfriend to my parents house once after I came out (2004) and was politely asked to no do it again...and I've respected their wishes. I actually don't ever expect any partner I have (no matter how long we've been together) to be accepted in my parent's home.

My sister eloped with a non-Mormon in Hawaii and although emotions were strained with my family for a time they all attended their commitment ceremony in Hawaii. Also, her husband would not be excluded from family events based on their relationship.

Is it just me, or does that sound like a double standard?

Me, playing the part of myself, I think about the future and potential scenarios...

I have 4 unmarried siblings, how should I respond (or not respond) to invitations to their legally, socially and religiously endorced unions?

Should I set asside my ideals and principles about the issue, or should I try to level out the playing field in my own little world?

Should I only attend weddings when both parties support gay marriage 100% and the officiating entity does as well?


Is this fair? or is it just petty?

Fight for Freedom

I remember being taught in grade school that when our country won the Revolutionary War we won our freedom, but the issue is far more complicated than that.

We are still waging the war of freedom. No matter who or where we are, we all play a role in this epic conflict. The victory that the original American colonies won against the British was important terrain on the path of freedom, but it only makes up a portion of the journey.

As a gay person, I feel my rights and freedoms frequently under attack. There's gay marriage, and then there isn't; civil unions one day, annulment the next. Our nation has been teetering back and forth on this issue for years now.

When this issue is stripped down to its core, what I usually find is widely accepted inequality based on holy sanction. In other words, god sanctions straight people's feelings therefore mine are invalid.

I know that many people's god doesn't validate my feelings, but my heart doesn't seem to care. My heart breaks just as much as anyone's. Love affects me in the same way as well, with all the irrational silliness that's been in poetry, books, stories, plays and movies since before recorded history.

Just like the oppressive monarchy we strove so diligently to separate ourselves from, we feel comfortable with imposing inequality on others because god said so.

Why was the king, king? Because god put him there.

Why did we leave the king's rule? Because religious freedom is important to us.

Why do straight people get more rights than gay people? Because god said so.

Why should gay and straight be equal? Because religious freedom is important to us!