Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Self-Appraisal

I was listening to NPR today, as I do at times, and I was struck by what most NPR listeners might consider just another piece from that excellent station.
The story outlined the efforts of a very young mother/blogger, Cassie Boorn, to solicit her mature female friends for advise in the form of "Letters to my 20-something self."
I looked Cassie's blog up and read some of the letters.
Although I failed to read all of them, I particularly liked Stephanie Smirnov's letter. She reitterated some life lessons that I, unfortunately, have had to learn over and over again: trust yourself, stop worring, don't obsess about pleasing others, etc.
Right now I have people in my life who think I need big changes. They think I need to be less independent, less insistant on separating groups of people in my life (family, friends, romantic relationships...), less strict with my affection...less strict in general.
I can't honestly say that I needed the re-affirmation that these letters provided, but it was comforting.

In contrast to the letters I'd like to send something to my future self so that I never forget the lessons I've learned
  1. Embrace your independence, it has always been a significant source of happiness for you. People who don't like this fact about you aren't interested in your happiness.
  2. Separating your friends, family and partners will likely continue to be necessary, but you've accepted this. This is your decision to make and others must respect it or they don't respect you.
  3. Allow yourself to love, but no one is allowed to demand or expect it from you.
  4. You are a strict person, that is who you are. If someone doesn't like that then they don't like you.
  5. You don't need everyone to like you; most people will never like you anyway.
  6. People don't change, not really. Don't allow anyone to change you to suit them better.