Monday, July 30, 2007

Arizona State Masters Championships

Just a quick update...I placed first in all my events (50, 100, 200 Fly; 50, 100 Breast; 50 Free; 200 and 400 IM) for my age group. Also I received a high-point award.

The meet was a lot of fun with a number of my teammates there. We had a really good time.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Cardiologist Update

Looks like it's anxiety. I'm going in for some more tests, but everything seems to point towards that.

Cardiologist recommended I start taking Fish Oil supplements and include tuna in my diet. So it's off to Trader Joe's after work.

All in my head?

Ok, so this past Monday I spent some time in the ER, but appears I'm fine.

I called my doctor's office Monday morning about shortness of breathe, chest pain, and numbness. They advised me to go to the emergency room, so I did. I seriously doubted that I was having a heart attack even though my symptoms resembled one.

I've had a pretty consistent history of anxiety and anxiety attacks, but I didn't feel like that's what this was.

After about 6 hours of tests and drawing blood the ER doctor prescribed a nebulizer, MethyIPREDNIsolone, and Xanex. So in other words, the ER doc was pretty sure I was suffering from an Asthma attack or anxiety.

Two days later I have a follow-up visit with my usual doctor and he's convinced that my issues are stemming from anxiety. So, apparently it's all in my head and I just need to chill.

Well today I have a cardiologist appointment to make absolute sure that my heart isn't the problem (my doc is pretty sure it isn't, but we have to leave no stone unturned right?). If he gives the thumbs up I'm free to compete in my meet this weekend and all my simptoms are just in my head. I'll give an update on that later.

Well I guess I should look on the bright side, if my mind is capable of this, imagine what else I can do. LOL.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

"Good Morning Baltimore"


I saw the musical "Hairspray" on Sunday evening and it was GREAT! I totally recommend it. Funny, witty and insightful. I grinned from ear to ear the whole movie.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Before I...

I feel the passage of time each day
And with every breathe life's slipping away
I struggle to take the air in deep
And wonder at night if I'll pass beyond sleep.

Pushing through the crowd as it pushes me
Where's left to look? Where can you be?
So many faces, my vision blurs
Will I find you while my soul still sturs?

When I find you will I know your face?
Or will you be a stranger in a foreign place?
Are you searching as I am now?
Or are you lost and don't know how?

I don't want to die before you're there,
Gazing at me with that loving stare.
Sharing the life we knew we would
And by each other understood.

Would it matter if I died today?
Lonely on our course to stay?
No, life does not wait for anyone
Not even for those who walk alone.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Rolling Stone



As each stone roles through the water
And the shape is smoothed and formed;
The exterior does certainly alter,
But the core is not reformed.

As we travel the course ahead
From beginning until we are dead
Others may think we have changed
But the core has always remained.

TMI

1. What's the sexiest type of underwear? A pair of snuggly fitting Unico boxer briefs

2. Would you/have you ever paid money for sex? Nope.

3. Is facial/body hair sexy or no? (Moustache, chest, etc. for men, and underarms/legs for women.) Or do you frankly not care? It can be on the right person. Personally it's not huge deal to me until it starts migrating from the head to the back.

4. What is the strangest thing you've ever seen featured in pornography? Double-anal penetration; it wasn't so much strange as incredibly frightening!

5. What's worse, not enough sex or too much? Is there such a thing as "too much"? TOO MUCH! There is such thing as too much, but all of us have very different thresholds of tolerance.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Internal Struggle

This may be pathetic and narcissistic, but the main reason I started swimming again was to lose weight and get in shape for Hawaii. The Hawaii trip is over, what now?

I'm still swimming and even competing, but something is lacking: a goal, something to shoot for.

What about improving my times? That would seem like a reasonable way to keep motivated, but seeing my times after races is one of the most discouraging things. I remember many of my personal bests from high school and to be perfectly frank, I'm a f***in' turtle in comparison. Why not just focus on improving my recent times? I'm afraid asking me to pretend like my early career didn't happen just isn't me.

What about pure competition? Well the competition is so scattered and inconsistent, there is no way of telling if I'm going to meet up with a weak or intense field. So relying on that to bolster my motivation is unhealthy at best.

What about doing things for the team? The only real connection I feel with my team is our sexuality. We're gay and we happen to have met during a swim practice; I don't feel akin to my teammates through swimming.

The worst part of my devolving level of motivation is the patience I have for my teammates. The little things that I used to not let bother me before my trip really get on my nerves now. Silly things like getting annoyed when someone leaves 2 seconds behind me rather than 5; when they don't know how to be passed; when they go the same pace on the main set as a recovery set; when they say they should go second because they're out of shape and draft off your wake the whole way.

Can you tell I'm annoyed? LOL. It's becoming a serious problem. What should I do? Should I take a break? Should I switch teams? Should I cut back on practices? What?

This is just what's on my mind right now. I'm sure things will work out, just like everything does.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Fast Times in the Cool Pines

Yesterday I participated in my second meet since I joined the Sunfish. This time I was the only person representing my team; I thought it would be awkward and uncomfortable having a team area of one, but to my pleasant surprise it was an extremely enjoyable competition!

The weather in Flagstaff was beautiful: partly cloudly and in the low 80s

I won 3 out of the 5 events I swam...

  50 FL : 0:29.14 : First
100 BR : 1:22.05 : Second
100 FL : 1:08.00 : First
200 IM : 2:40.58 : First
  50 BR : 0:36.29 : Second

Some National Breaststroke Champion was participating and easily took me in both breaststrokes; I'm definately not a national caliber swimmer.

One thing is for sure, I have no endurance. I really need to work on that.

Friday, July 13, 2007

For all you zodiac fanatics!


Libra is the only zodiac symbol that's neither animal nor human -- but surely that doesn't make you any less human. In fact, Libra is among the most sociable of the signs. As scales of old were really "balances," so to do you seek balance in all that Libra does. You respond to situations with grace as Libra attempts to put others at ease. Artistically, Libra tries to balance form, content, colors and elements, and for this reason can be drawn toward creative endeavors.

The greatest balancing act is between self and others, and it is here that many Libras focus their energy. Here, in the realm of interpersonal relationships, you are a champion. Libra know how to be the charming host or hostess. Libra can sense what others want before they ask for it. And you can make the needs of others a higher priority than your own. In fact, Libra is the shuttle diplomats of the zodiac, going back and forth between the extremes until a solution is negotiated.

The Libra motto might be "To every action there is an opposite and equal reaction." It is your innate sense of cause and effect that makes you so effective as a strategist. Whether it's playing chess, relationship counseling or civic planning, you know how to be effective while staying in the middle of the road. Your easygoing attitude can serve you and others well, but don't forget that your needs cannot go totally unfulfilled or you won't have anything to give to others.

Element: Air
The astrological element of air represents movement. And the most efficient movement between two points is often a thought. Air signs are thinkers. They emphasize the intellect over other functions. With active minds and a good command of language, the air signs are the natural born communicators. They can be light and breezy as the breath of spring, but their words can also carry the power of a gale force wind.

The air of Libra is about equilibrium. Even the atmosphere needs to rest, so here, we seek ways to give our thoughts temporary respite from their never-ending movement.

Seventh House: Partners
If the First House represents the self, the Seventh House opposite it, represents the other. This can be a business partner, a spouse or any other type of relationship amongst equals. Most often, this is where we look to see how you relate to others in your life.

Key Planet: Venus
Venus is the planet of love and desire. She is in charge of romance and beauty. But Venus isn't only about physical love; she's also symbolic of the ideal love. When we see a beautiful painting or other work or art, Venus is present. She is the beauty of a rose as much as she is the attraction we have to someone we love. As the key planet of Libra, Venus is about the perception of beauty as an ideal. Here, she is the proper blend of colors, the right mix of music or the perfect poetic description of love, itself.

Libra Greatest Strength: Your grace and charm when helping others

Libra Possible Weakness: Forgetting to take care of your own needs

denotes statements that apply to me especially

Thursday, July 12, 2007

TMI

1. Describe your first kiss. I was 22 when I had my first kiss. It was surprisingly easy and fun. My partner complimented me on my ability (which was quite flattering).

2. Should a person's pubic hair be trimmed, shaved, or just grown out as the jungle God intended it to be? So long as I can easily find what I want, jungles are fine.

3. What's the best super-hero comic book movie ever made?
X-Men! Hands down!

4. Coke or Pepsi? COKE!

5. Have you ever been caught masturbating? Yes, but only by a partner (who was upset because he felt left out)

6. Which way do you lean your head when going for a kiss? Right

7. Jockstraps, sexy or no? Not sexy.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Tenderly Asphyxiated

You were the garden serpent
Your words seemed kind and fervent
Yet no sooner did I enter
Did my nightmare start to render

Though some hope may have remained
My trust in you had waned.
Rules replaced the trust
And you bound me to your lust

From the start I did predict:
You would coil and constrict.
All your focus on me concentrated;
I was tenderly asphyxiated.

And the tighter you did squeeze
Did little more than ease
Any remorse I might have felt
When the final blow I dealt.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix


I stayed up for the initial showing of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix which started showing previews at 12:01am.

All of the young characters have significantly matured physically and mentally since the last film; the cast showing a range of complex emotions including sadness, but without tears. I personally was impressed with the actors' ability to deliver. The music, as always, was excellent!

However, the movie was littered with slow plot points. At 12:01am in the morning, I need a movie to be almost constantly interlaced with action.

Overall, I liked the movie even though I found the ending less than satisfying.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Canvas

My consciousness is a canvas
Chaotically splashed with your colors
I'm a single page of an atlas
Focused on the place that is solely yours

My thoughts are a grid of rational roads
Yet they all lead to the single point of you.
My emotions, a stream of legible codes
But the message does not ever get through.

My torment is a fly on your face;
Ignored like so many other things
My light dives into dark's embrace
Shedding its hope and strong bright wings.

Sunday, July 08, 2007